A friend tweeted about Productivity Dysmorphia on Twitter and it got me thinking.
I, unequivocally, undeniably, and absolutely have this.
For me, if I don't have a productive enough day--my mind won't rest at night. I'll feel as if I wasted my entire day, and then I'll look back a month later and think:
WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!
However, don't think you need to keep yourself so busy to the point you're mentally and physically exhausted. Self-care is extremely important to keep a healthy body and mind.
There are days when I absolutely am swamped with work, or projects, or family, friends, my pets, etc, that I can't think and I get to bed and knock out and go back to doing it allover again thinking this is the way to stay productive. However, then I'm back on the insomniac train because I'm exhausted physically, but my mind is still active. I had to sit a good long while and think about what I was doing wrong, and why I couldn't find that inner peace. Sitting back and thinking about your life to find clarity in how to live a better, more meaningful day... That's what helped me.
There are days when I do absolutely nothing except focus on me. And that could be: meditating, reading a book I've been wanting to read, catch up with friends that I haven't spoken to in a long time, cook a meal, workout, or even just watching a YouTube video on how to do something you've been wanting to do or learn about. I feel that - especially with a quarantine / pandemic / lockdown, more people are seeing how people are spending their time and may feel pressured that they're not doing enough. What you need to ask yourself is: What is enough for you?
When the Pandemic and Quarantine hit, I thought I was going to get all these projects done, and kept adding so much to my plate and then when I couldn't get to it, I was doubting myself and my worth. When I doubted myself, I got more sad and angry at myself, then ultimately felt lonely. I'm going to admit: I still have these thoughts and feelings about myself... You are your biggest critic, and you judge yourself the most. I'm here to say: You are the very best you. Dr. Seuss had it right: “Today you are you, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is youer than you.”
With all of that above, and how my insta-feed is usually of me dressed decently, or of my builds and projects, or new tips, etc: Here's a picture of me, as I'm writing this entry, with sweaty makeup, a messy bun, a bed that needs fixing on one side with laundry that needs to be put away on the other, while I'm just about to go do some dishes, before I finally shower and put laundry away before I go to bed. Now that's a run-on sentence if there ever was one. I've been more productive lately in the sense with project building and my freelance work, and I'll probably still think I haven't gotten anything done because the cleanliness of my home is atrocious. It will never be enough for me. Never enough, never, never...for me (wanted to insert that The Greatest Show joke in there).